Mystery woman’s voice

My new(-ish) mobile phone, which I got a few months ago, scares me sometimes. It can do things I don’t understand, and has numerous buttons and options I am rather scared to try out in case it wipes out the NHS or launches Trident nuclear missiles. And the internet on a phone!? Whatever next…

Anyway, I was idly going through some of the sounds, alarms and ringtones on my phone a while back, and came across a message recorded by someone saying “wake up, time to get up Simon, GET UP NOW!” and so on, in a female Glaswegian accent.

I have no idea who this is. I do have the vaguest of vague, vague memories of someone doing something like that on my phone, but I can’t remember who, when or why.

I’ve asked as many female friends down here in Weegieland as I can think of if they did it. As you can imagine I got some strange reactions, but as yet nobody’s owned up.

I’ve started using it as my alarm clock, in the hope that it will come to me in a flash of early-morning inspiration.  I’ll let you know if I solve the mystery, but of course any help is welcome…

Faroese football

In the week we’re in the Faroes, the islanders are taking on Scotland and Italy in Euro 2008 qualifiers, and we’re trying to get tickets.

Partly due to the Scottish underdog instinct, I’ve always been interested in football in Europe’s minnow nations.

The Faroese gained full UEFA status in the 1990s, and – apart from a famous 1-0 over Austria – were originally the archetypal whipping boys of European football alongside the likes of San Marino and Liechtenstein.

With barely 50,000 inhabitants, and a national team made up of fishermen, students, postmen and the very occasional full-time footballer, any draw or win is still a major achievement for the Faroese. But they have improved slightly over the years, and have relied, like many weaker teams, on lightning-swift counter-attacks.

Scotland know this to their peril, having been held to draws twice in the islands, the second a 2-2 draw in 2002 under Berti Vogts‘ dubious management, in a tie when the Faroes actually led 2-0 at half-time. While the match is infamous in Scotland for the outrage about Scotland’s performance, you can’t really take away from the excellent Faroese goals.

Both – if I recall correctly – involved quick breaks from defence, long balls to the right wing, and a cross into the centre, where school teacher Jon Petersen scored well-taken goals before the Scotland defence could even realise what was happening.

In fact, Scotland were actually lucky not lose a third goal in an identical counter-attack not long after.

The two draws against Scotland took place in Toftir, before the new national stadium in Torshavn was built. Apparently, the Faroese FA have switched back to Toftir for the forthcoming Scotland match, presumably to recapture the spirit of those two shock results. So it promises to be a real nail-biter.

Incidentally, if you’re interested in minnow nations’ football, you’ll really enjoy Stamping Grounds by Charlie Connelly, which charts Liechtenstein’s qualifying campaign for the 2002 World Cup.

Things only got worse

Bye bye, Tony.

You took us into an illegal, immoral, disgusting, chaotic, disastrous war in Iraq against the will of the people of the UK, that has killed an estimated 600,000 people and opened the door to a terrifying, evil extremism that may never be tempered or defeated.

Never mind the sleaze, corruption, abandonment of your party’s soul, and even your achievements in office. Iraq, above all, is your outstanding legacy. I hope one day you admit your mistake, apologise, and seek forgiveness from the God you profess to worship.

Sadly, I doubt you ever will.

I wonder how you sleep at nights.

From cold feet to itchy feet

Recently I’ve been thinking seriously about the future of the mullet project, and it’s been an unsettling time for two reasons.

Firstly, as I’ve mentioned before, I have been attempting to plug the idea to literary agents. That exercise has been frustrating, as responses have either been non-existent or simply standard rejections. It’s made me worry about the viability of the story as something people would want to read, about the effort and numerous revisions, and also about the financial side of things – no publisher means a very big financial gamble.

Secondly, I have wondered (not for the first time) why I have wasted the last four years of my life pursuing what must appear to be the most ridiculous, pointless project. I mean, I’ve got better things to do with my time.

Well… okay, I don’t: in fact, having nothing better to do with my time is precisely what got me into this situation.

But still.

Five or six months away from friends, family, church, a stable income, and reliable Irn Bru supplies. Several weeks in the USA, a country which comes very far down my “must visit” list. Long journeys on the road with just me, my backpack and my iPod. The constant nagging traveller’s worry about where my PMT is (that’s passport, money, ticket). Throwing my very enjoyable and rewarding career out of the window. Spending Christmas and New Year in an as yet undetermined foreign country. Having to learn some basic Spanish that isn’t based solely on recollections of Chanel 9 from the Fast Show.

On the first count, though, pitching the story, there has been some good news. No publisher, but one or two pieces of very useful and constructive feedback that have given me some reassurance that this is a goer.

And I’ve also started to approach the planning of the trip – one of my biggest-ever “to do” lists is currently under construction, and it makes things a lot less scary seeing things broken down into manageable tasks. Despite the fact that one of the first items on the list is “remortgage flat”. Gulp.

If I get any more cold feet, I’ll just remind myself that I’ve come too far to give up now. Or re-read Danny’s latest blog.

And if I keep convincing myself that the adventure will be fun, it will be.

Probably.

Lost withdrawal symptoms

Due to technical difficulties at Swish Towers, I’ve been deprived of my regular mailings of Lost episodes for the past few weeks. However I have been promised them soon, which will mean a bumper catch-up session – for which I will probably have to go into hibernation for a day or so.

Interesting to read on BBC News that Lost will now reach a conclusion in 2010. Personally I reckon that’s stretching it out unnecessarily, but at least we now know that there will be an ending.

But what ending?

(If you want to comment, note that the last episode I saw ended with the gang’s penetration of The Others’ perimeter and the discovery of Jack there.  Any spoilers risk the immediate termination of friendship.)

A year of St Silas

I was reminded recently that today would be my one year “anniversary”, twelve months after that second visit to St Silas, when I realised that it was the place I was meant to be.

It’s been a big part of my life in Glasgow – I’ve learned a lot, grown a lot, and made some wonderful friends through St Silas.  There’s been some great lessons, fun weekends away, gruelling hillwalks, amazing chats, and lots of laughs.  I never imagined my search for a church in Glasgow would have led me to make so many great friends and feel so at home in a church so quickly.

I’d just like to say thank you to everyone at St Silas for putting up with me.

Wanlockhead

So I survived the weekend in Scotland’s highest village.

Wanlockhead’s only other claim to fame is its history of lead-mining, boasting a museum and an old miners’ library that is the second- oldest subscription library in Europe (the oldest being in neighbouring Leadmills).

According to the fascinating museum, Wanlockhead was built purely for the lead mining industry, which died out in the early 20th century. As such, the village has something of the Royston Vasey about it – a feeling of isolation, lack of industry, and not really much oomph or signs of life.

The scenery, too, is typically south of Scotland: bleak, undulating hills that really aren’t much to look at – especially in the thick mist that hung around for most of the weekend. Even the village pub was a bit lifeless, though they did do an excellent pint of 80/-.

The village did, however, boast an inordinately large number of sluice valves around the place. I have no idea why.

Off away

I’m just about to head off for the weekend, and the result is still on a knife-edge, with three regions still to declare. Because they’re regions where the SNP have gained constituency seats, I don’t think they’ll pick up many top-ups. Therefore, Labour might (sadly) just squeeze through. No doubt the picture will become clear later on tonight.

I’ll not be able to blog though, because it’ll be a weekend with no internet access. I’m off to Wanlockhead with friends for a few nights, and don’t know anything about the place. Other than it’s in the middle of nowhere in the vast ere be dragons wasteland known as the south of Scotland, and it’s the highest village in the country.

Expect photos.

UPDATE: The last of the regional declarations have just been made on the radio.  The SNP did better than I expected in them, and it seems the SNP have finished the election 1 seat ahead of Labour.  That means… they’ve won!

Alasdair Gray once said: “Work as if you live in the early days of a better nation.”  Those early days of that better nation have now come.

The emerging picture

So, could this be the dawn of a new era?  Personally, I’m too knackered to be excited right at the moment – I was up til 3am watching the results on TV, then woke at 7am to listen to the radio coverage.

As I write, around 80 of the 129 seats have been declared, and it’s still too close to call.  The main headlines are:

• There’s a big swing to the SNP, who win many (but not all) of their target seats
• SNP and Labour are neck and neck at the moment, on both votes and seats
• The SSP and Solidarity have split the socialist vote and neutralised each other – other minor parties such as the SSCUP and Greens look to be squeezed badly too
• And of course, there’s the shocking problems in the counts – technical difficulties, fog in the Western Isles, violence in an Edinburgh polling station, and the unprecedented numbers of spoilt papers

Looking at the updates from BBC News, it appears that Labour are on 32 seats and the SNP on 31.  However most of the constituency results (where Labour are stronger) are already in, while most of the list votes (where the SNP have more to gain) are yet to come.  So the SNP could well just nose it.  We won’t know until perhaps the afternoon.

A quick word on the spoilt papers.  Many analysts are saying that it’s confusing having the Additional Member System (two Xs) for the parliament and the Single Transferable Vote for the council elections, accounting for most of the spoils.  I am sure that’s true.  But rather than putting the two votes on separate days as some are arguing, the solution is simply to change the parliament to STV.  But that’s a blog for another day.

So it’s still all to play for, and as I say there’s just one seat in it at the moment.  And key marginal seat the Western Isles is still to declare because the helicopter taking votes from Barra up to Stornoway was fog bound.  Consequently it may be the last seat to declare – which means the people of Barra might end up finally deciding who becomes the largest party.

I’ll maybe blog again at the end of the day…