Comments on: 101 Things To Do at a Christian Music Festival

By: Beat Attitude

Beat Attitude — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 08:02:02 +0000

78.
Print out this list and give it to people, asking them to finish it…

By: Gareth J M Saunders

Gareth J M Saunders — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 22:48:44 +0000

70. Wear a Cradle of Filth t-shirt …

71. … while carrying a Ghetto Blaster playing Slayer’s “Angel of Death” (from the album Reign in Blood, 1986) turned up to 11.

72. Pretend that you have Christian Tourettes, like an American TV Evangelist: “… PRAISETHELORD!! … JESUS!!”

73. Shout “Grendel” at the end of EVERY song played.

74. If you meet a nice Christian girl to whom you are attracted say, “You look like the kind of girl that might have a number of scrumptious recipes for quiche, hang on a minute I’ll get my Mum and see if she likes you…”

75. Dance naked, and if anyone objects just say “If it was good enough for King David, then it’s good enough for me!”

76. Don’t shave for a week before the festival, then dress in a home-made toga (a white bedsheet will do) and run around the venue shouting “I think I’m Jesus … can I heal you?”

77. Jostle your way to the front of the stage and spit on all the bands, 1970s Punk-style.

By: Jimmy McPhee

Jimmy McPhee — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 12:33:32 +0000

69. Stand at the front and put your all into playing air guitar
for much much longer than it is funny.
When people start to move away from you turn around and play for them
as though they’re moving back to give you room because you’re so good.

By: Dave Shedden

Dave Shedden — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 11:27:09 +0000

62. On being asked ‘How is it going?’ reply, ‘It’s okay, but it’s just not Woodstock, is it? Were you there?’ or ‘It’s okay, but I can’t find anyone to share the gospel with…where are all the pagans?’
63. Collect rubbish and generally tidy up all that mess lying about as an act of Christian service to your fellow revellers.
64. Offer to wash feet (as an act of Christian service…)
65. Complain that the music is just a little too loud.
66. Wonder about how on earth you were talked in to going at all.
67. On realising that you went because you are seeking a girlfriend, return to 49, but amend 49.1 to ‘Say thanks, get down on one knee, and propose’
68. Stage dive

By: Beat Attitude

Beat Attitude — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:12:25 +0000

50.Carry a microphone and interview people for the God Channel
51. Run about saying “guys, while we’ve been here I think the rapture just happened. Have you seen my pastor?
52. Stand right in front of someone, stinking of booze, and hold up your camera phone to record the performance
53. Turn round and glower at the person whose view you are obscuring, and mutter something about “it’s a concert”
54. Swear like the picnickers in Father Ted, telling people to Fup off, you fupping baxtards.
55. Walk around looking wise and holding your hands out in a frozen “please stand” position
56. Do the buckfast one again
57.Start conversing with someone, and half-way through answer you’re mobile, saying “sorry, I’ve got to take this. I think it’s God”.
58. Imitate someone who is dancing
59. Carry a guitar and ask people if they have a spare plectrum because you’re “on in a minute”
60. Hand out fliers that say “this entitles you to one free CD of your choice from the Wesley Owen stall”
61. Invite people to join a conga, then shout at them for doing it wrong

By: Jimmy McPhee

Jimmy McPhee — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 23:23:40 +0000

49. Wear a T shirt with these words printed on it :
‘Seeking Christian Girlfriend’
Then if a girl approaches you -

1.Say thanks but I’m not that desperate.
2.March her frantically through the crowd looking for your Mum
to find out what she thinks of her.
3.Shout hallelujah until she wanders off
and the next time you see her she’s with her biggest pals
4.tell her you’ll be back next year if by that time she could lose/gain a few pounds.
5.Smile cunningly as you tell her you make a lovely breakfast then wink at her.
6.Ask her if she would consider – breast enlargement/liposuction/rhinoplasty.
7.Tell her you only wore the t shirt for a bet
but your friend whose being sick behind the van might be interested.
8.Burst into tears and tell her it’s pointless
because you’ll never get over Doris who broke your heart.
9.Make a date with her but tell her you always go dutch
and ask her to bring her C.V.
10.Take her mobile number and tell her you’ll let her know later
as you’re expecting a lot of interest and you’re looking for more in a girlfriend
than just having good taste in men.

By: Lara

Lara — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 23:13:00 +0000

48. Wear as many W.W.J.D and F.R.O.G wristbands as you possibly can (without cutting off circulation to your fingers) because then you’ll look like a truly-ruly, super spiro Christian.

By: Rich

Rich — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 19:36:49 +0000

43. Repeat 34
44. Spend all your pocket money on “Official” holy merchandise which you can use as an “Evangelistic” tool when you return to the real world.
45. Attend the “Why Glastonbury is evil and why Greenbelt kills your soul” optional (although a register will be taken) seminar.
46. Repeat 43
47 Humiliate yourself in front of your youth leader (see 34).

By: Simon Varwell

Simon Varwell — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 14:43:04 +0000

41. Hand out flyers saying “10% off tickets for Jerry Springer: The Opera with every purchase of The Da Vinci Code.”

42. Set up your own rival Christian music festival, and put out lots of advertising explaining why yours will be better.

By: herkman

herkman — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 18:41:23 +0000

40. Tell people that God says he was kidding about hell. Tell them to read Hezekiah 4:9-11